My Manopause and What It Means for Death and Decay

I’ve been away from Medium for a while now. I can’t even remember when I last got on here. But for those who are reading my articles…thanks. It means a lot.

I want to say a few things as to why I left. Actually, it wasn’t intentional at all. I had a lot going on at the time. I was busy with work. I was wrapping up my second novel. And I just didn’t have the time.

I felt an awkward space between myself and those closest to me, which I feel affected my trajectory and the way I looked at life. I was to say the least…a bit depressed.

There, I said it.

Yeah. That word.

I hate depression. In fact, I don’t know if I’m even depressed. I can say a lot about it, how it mostly resembles a dark blob of sticky trouble. At the end of the day, it’s a type of energy. Just like talking. Or riding a bike. Or getting laid for the first time.

It’s all energy.

To be honest, I don’t know how long I will be on Medium. A lot has changed. The algorithms have gotten smarter and weeded out a lot of people — for better or worse.

The slow rise of AI has a lot of people scrambling to chase after other careers that have nothing to do with their values.

And some people left because of the money. I hear it wasn’t that great.

Some have even died over this.

Yes. That’s right.

Some people have died to the things that they held so dear — namely their fancy careers, their followers, even their own lives.

It’s sad really to see people go.

I am no stranger to that. I watched as a lot of people have come and gone in my life. I’ve watched them change. A lot of them lied about where they were going to go, or what they planned on doing. Some of them dropped out entirely of life and are no where to be found.

One of my friends is homeless.

Another just disappeared nowhere to be found.

Let’s face it, there’s not a lot going on right now. Some people post-Covid have stuck around to see what the world brings them.

That’s great. I’m glad you are here. I hope you are contributing to the human race as pleasantly as the bird on my front porch has built a nest in the winter to lay its eggs.

And while we’re at it. Let’s talk about eggs.

Yeah, those things.

A lot of people are having babies right now. A lot of millennial women are getting pregnant. They put off getting married up until their late 30’s to 40’s and now they realize that starting a family might be the wisest thing for them to do.

I don’t know why.

The world is still burning right now. Nothing seems that great if you’re an alien looking on at things.

But I guess it’s desire.

There is something inside of people that makes them keep going. That makes them want to try. To want to die. Or to live.

Sometimes you have to lay your eggs in a bunch of different baskets to see what you get. Sometimes you have to let go of your eggs that you’ve held on to for so long.

You just have to let it go.

Sometimes that’s all you’ve got. Sometimes that’s all you need.

I know it sounds like a song or something, but it’s true. The things in life that we’ve held on to for so long may not work out. Sometimes they die. Like our dreams or our hobbies. Sometimes they are careers. Or friends.

And that’s ok.

It’s a good time to start over with a different mind frame.

Maybe you need to diverse in a portfolio of well paying stocks and dividends that will give you riches for years to come. Or maybe you just need to diversify your thoughts.

Think differently.

Yeah, that one.

I know what I’m going to do.

I’m going to keep on writing. Because when the old things die and it’s time to let go, I know that from the ashes new things will grow.

It’s good to be back. I hope you’ve read this far.

-J