Do Mentors Matter Anyway?
During my early days of career hopping and soul-searching, I was longing for someone to guide me and steer me clear of any obstacles. I desperately was seeking a mentor and someone to help me. What I found was that based on my own experience, mentorship was my scape-goat- using it to avoid guilt and self-condemnation if, perhaps, I did not succeed. By allowing myself to fail miserably, I got rid of the pre-conceived idea that mentorship was a path to success. Without it, I always thought I wouldn’t be good enough.
And that’s not okay.
I was guiding myself and learning the ropes as I went along. Little did I know, was that I permitted myself over time to make mistakes, that otherwise would have fallen prey to the mentorship trap and reduce me to another version of my old self- fraught with fear, loathing, and guilt for not seeking out authority.
I will say that no one, not even your most valued, experienced self can claim authority on anything.
You don’t know what you think you know. And that’s okay.
I’m going to argue against the case of mentorship and having a mentor. I find that people are grasping at these ideas to gain success, especially when it comes to money, careers, and building a business.
I believe that mentorship is something that we receive after the fact, not before.
If you are successful, then by all means I would highly encourage you to step up your game and get a mentor. They can help you navigate through common pitfalls of success that most people can’t. Mentors can guide you through many unique challenges or obstacles that might be present. These challenges might be keeping you from breaking the ceiling of your life and soar to new heights.
It was only after Luke Skywalker sought out Master Yoda in the Star Wars films where he began to understand the glass ceiling and realize his full potential. Luke returns to Yoda after he realizes that his success did not prove himself so right after all. He thought he could do it on his own but he needed more training. In the movie The Last Jedi, Yoda returns to Luke in a surreal way when he is at his wits’ end and guides him to a new understanding and perspective.
I use this analogy because it is a common way that successful people end up in a slump. They cannot break the glass ceiling above them. They retaliate to old ways of thinking. Get angry. Then remain bitter. They have already succeeded or failed and don’t know what else to do or at least need a new perspective to get them through a dry spell, or worse, failure.
Don’t get me wrong. Mentorship can be great.
I think when one is trying to set out on a journey to success they should probably hire a coach in their chosen field or path. A coach can level up your understanding and productivity in your chosen field.
It is only after we have succeeded where we can go to a mentor to ask questions and to probe our understanding of how we got to where we are.
We live in a success-obsessed culture where we will do anything to succeed even if it means riding the coattails of others or at least using them to get ahead.
In the film, The Devil Wears Prada Anne Hathaway portrays Andy Sachs who gets a job as an assistant at a fashion magazine. She is trying to set a foundation for a new career and get ahead. She didn’t realize though that the experience the job was setting her up for was hers, and that no one else- not even the sinister Miranda Priestly- could take away. That invaluable experience was her Mentor. It was guiding her along the way the whole time.
Let experience be your mentor.
The best practice for success in my opinion is to do it yourself and to go out there and experience life on your terms. Don’t be guided by people who have been successful and want nothing more than to impose their way of life upon yours. Get out there and get experience first and then seek out a mentor who can guide you on to the next step to where you want to be. I’ve changed many careers over my life and I have met many different people.
The influence I have received from these people has changed me for the better. Ultimately, it was experiencing and experimenting that got me to where I am today, not a mentor.
A mentor may be someone who may or may not even be in your life for very long. Those that have helped me in my life came and went and I’m grateful for the experience that I’ve had with them and the knowledge they’ve shared.
Overall, here are 2 tips that I recommend doing or asking before seeking out a mentor:
1. Fail miserably
Learn from trial and error before getting expert opinions. Ask yourself: Does the risk of failure outweigh my desire to succeed? If I do fail, was it a failure, or just a lesson that will help me with future experiences?
2. Get experience
Ask yourself: Do I have enough experience in this chosen field of endeavor? Or have I dipped my toes in the water to gain a little bit of traction and understanding before I seek someone out? What has experience taught me in the past, that can help me in my future when it comes to this subject?
